THE drama of my promotion ...

      Or as i 'd like to put it as ( my big fat promotion) ..
any way , i was working my butt off for three years now to get this promotion , and i endured the worset kind of managers ( professionally not atherwise since i don't like you to get thoughts)  as i believe in arabian proverb sayin ( if u want somethin out of a dog tell him SIR ) .... yes , yes , don't be shocked , we all do that in all races , all languages , so don't criticize me .
        Now and since the kitchen of annual promotions is ON and HOT nowadays i was expecting mine to be cooked on the way , so i presented my numbers and my achievement all thru the year expecting to get the promotion along with the new title on a tray , only to be shocked by a fuckin suggestion of other title .............. DUHHHH
                                                    ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE
        Have i mentioned that i'm a Scorpion??? I don't think so , because if i have , they wouldn't have even thought of it not to mention suggesting it at all ... well' for those who don't know what does it mean to insult a scorpion , let me tell you that my manager and HIS manager know this already !! Simply i gave them a piece of my mind , which was not so nice or polite ..
         And since  i know that they can't afford to lose me , not at this time .. and they have no alternative so i used it to my advantage waving the stick and pulling strings , because lets face it , in this world you can't afford to be gentle and polite with monsters , right?
                                       AND THE RESULT WAS ......................... DA DA DA DA
I nailed it , i got it  .. THE TITLE I WANTED :)))

                                                                                       I Love U World ( big kiss )

La5batation ...

hmmm 1- msh 3arfa anam m3a ene 3awza anam
            2- msh 3arfa albes eh elsob7 , which is usual , w b3den has7a ,da eza nemt , w halbes awel 7aga t2ablny 3shan t3bana w lma ab2a fel shoghl hafakar why the hell did i wear this and didn wear somethin else.
            3- i have BIG problem fel shoghl h3od a7el feha all December , that's why i like November , 3shan tb3an feh 3eed melady , w kman b2dar a2agel kol 7aga feh l7ad Dec.
            4- Dec. 31 yum , yum ynta7 yum
            5- msh 3arfa akarar el donya 7ar wala bard , bas akeed akeed feh namosa fel room bec bahrosh , the question is gat mnen w hatnam emta ??/
            6- kalt chocolate kteer today , t2reban 3aysha 3eshet el skinny ppl ele homa asasan by3esho 3eshet el nas ele 3awza t3mel diet
             7- kano bytklmo 3an el ente5abat ..aktar 7aga bt3gbny f 7komtna enha dayman bt7asesna enena 7meer min gher matetklm.
             8- Google is the best searching site w microsoft de micro f kol 7aga ganbo , kol ele hamemhom y3mlo programmes w y5ter3o f ways 3shan ykteshfo meen fena sare2 nos5et window mnhom , wa7ed zay Bill Gates da ele 3mlhom 3la albo ad keda mfrod y3mel nos5et window l kol wa7ed y3abar microsoft asasan e7teraman l dwal el 3alam el talet el ta3bana .
            9- daleel 3ala en Gates da neten asasan enno Google w Utube mshahyasena bebalash w da hymoot 3al donya , nefsy afham hystafeed eh mene lma ashtry nos5to b 400 LE "?> y3ny 80 dollar , yfre2o m3aya myfr2osh m3ah .. m3afen awi. 3shan keda hnfdal nesra2 nosa5o ghasben 3ano , 7alal feh.
             10- hanam shwaya ghasben 3any.

To Love And Be Loved ..

          A man in love ..love brings identity , love applies meanings .
  Caruso within horizon , a voice carried through winds ..
( he saw the lights out on the sea
   he thought of all the nights behind
   they were only the lampare
   the white wake of a stern)

  and from far , in his mind only her image emerges , through dreams , only one grey giant cell
  He is a man in love .. searching for pearls to his love
  in love ..letters are too precious to waste
  BUT  was he loved??
( he felt the pain in the music
  he stood up by the piano
  but when he saw the moon
  death was also sweet to him
  he looked into her eyes
  two eyes as green as the sea
  then suddenly he felt tears
  and he believed he was fell into the sea).

  Once he was loved he believes and again he felt that sweet pain when you jump into your brain
  the voice of the song is fading away , leaving a sweet taste on the tips of his tongue
  he is alone but not lonely
  he is away but so close
  he is here and there
  between the sense and the feeling
  he went into oblivion again , half awake
 (i love you
 so much as you know
 it is like a chain now
 that heats up my blood
 inside the veins you know)

  again , it's his blood that speaks
  it's beyond his bones
  but have you ever been happy shedding your blood for your love?
  he was in love
  he was loved.

Heart Of Glass

   It was one of those days where you wake up and you don't know where to begin..
It began with two bad dreams ..
Two bad dreams drained me from inside ..
U know that lonely feeling? when you can't find the strength?
This is exactly what happened to me ...
Moved like a zombie , doing everything i should do just wanna come back home ..
Just wanna run to my coccon and close the door behind ...
Only to be hit by new loss...
My friend removed my friend .. just erased him from her life ..
U know that option where you click the damn botton , and next thing the person you have clicked was gone ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
harsh , harsh ...
People doing it all the time .. click , you are gone !
And this coccon suddenly is so tight and dark ..
I wanna go home !
Where's home? it is so so faraway !
Strikes me how life has become so indifferent and difficult ..
Does people know that hearts are made of glasses?
And when you crack a piece , it never heals ..and those broken hearts keep going on in life half broken , half alive..
and then if you make a zoom to one of those hearts ..
U'll find narrow deep holes .. this is pain ..
Hearts are made of glasses so why we pretend it's made of steel?
Hearts are made of glasses then why we can't see?
Why we think that the others are disposable? we need eachothers..
We need to feel the warmth of other's breath..
We are bundle of senses ,  we are not steel .........
               Someone dear told me today , you keep fighting fighting fighting for what?
....... U know what? ................... I'll stop .

what do guys want exactly??? homa 3awzeen eh broo7 mamethom?

     OK , what do they really want? y3ny lma nb2a kwaiseen w banat 7alal ydona 3la afana , w lma netml3an w n2leb 3alehom y3yato w y2olo 2ool lel zaman erga3 wenaby ...
Guys , those following stories happened bgd to some of my closest friends , and i'm pissed off , because i know how it hurts to lose belief , bgd i'll tell you those stories and you judge for yourselves because elmawdo3 b2a ooooover bgd oooover...
1- one of my friends was in relationship with a guy for three years over net ( ygta3 el net wel neteeta welly ynateto 3aleh) , anyway they saw eachothers via webcam and those faksa technological fashla means ( because the guy was abroad , w dee moshkila tanya)... anyway elwad nezel w hyt2ablo .. w et2ablo w reg3t 3la betha happy only to be shocked in the morning by an msn men roo7 mamto sayin( sorry i can't continue) and when she confronted him WHY ya brad pitt 3asrak w awanak he said (asl your design w structure m3agabonesh )....YA EBN ELLLL........ (kol el shataym).. design w structure? bgd 3eb a2ol ele nefsy feh ..
2- my closest friend was in love with a guy , hwa kman friend for me .. elbet bt7bo w mfehash 7aga tet3ayb w hwa !!! 2erd , monkey w shwaya yb2a on w b3den off .. eh yala? mt3mlk 2afla w estrgl keda .. shwaya y2oly klam w yro7 y2ol klam tany l nas tanya w  y2olha hya klam talet ...hwa feh eh yad? bgd el regala gralha eh? w leh b2o ashba7 keda?
Allah yr7amak yaaaa, ya meen? wallahy ma3arfa.
3- wad 3shan y5la3 min bent kan by7bha 2alha 3ando influenza el 5anazeer belsala 3al sala .. w msh hy2dar ydamrlaha her furure so lazem ynse7eb min 7ayatha .. welbet galha nervous breakdown w kanet btmoot because she thought en el 7eela da7a b 7bo 3shan y7afez 3la 7ayatha , only to discover b3d yumen en m2soof el ra2ba tele3 sharm m3a s7abo w sa7eb bet tanya w kan 3awez y5la3 w bas.
                just imagine .............................................
hwa feh eh? leh b2eto keda ya regalaaa?
y3ny el mawdo3 hormonat wala bee2a wala genat werasya ? 2ololna ymkin neb3ed 3anko w nraya7ko ... the worset thing is when you lose belief and trust .. la2 w y3ezo awi awi yfkeso in the time of need ..
   Once upon a time there was a MAN , keeps his words , respects his woman , protects his home , he was like a stone .. strong and solid .. he remained like that till he died  with his woman beside him so content. She lived on his memory .. coz he was a man..
                            dee kanet kesa 5yalya msh wake3ya ...
                            elwake3 hwa kol ele kan abl el kessa dee.

                                                ya regala  !!

True Colours !

And grey becomes her .....
behind blue there is always grey ,
crawling like a big ghost ,
engulfing all green and blue ,
And she remembers when she was green ,
,O, spring .. spring
and she was jumping in the air ,
catching a rainbow , waving a free hand to the sun,
Spring was only for a little wink ...
Then she become blue ...
Blue is warm , long and so true ,
she became herself in blue ,
Then suddenly , grey , ....
Grey is cruel , strong and deep ,
How could she escape??
Life just stepaside when grey comes in way ...
........................................................
And she closed her eyes , finally .. Peace ..
And she drawned in the deep endless silence ..
And she smiled ...
Silence is white !

please.... Don't disappear!

I miss you mom!
miss you like the aged misses youth,
miss talkin to you
miss dealing with you , when you joke about me
when you search for me and call me
when you miss me..
when you tell me stories and memories from the past
when you show me pictures and things you keep apart
i'm so without you
and i'm so yearning to you
and i'm so incomplete and lonely without you
please please don't fade away , i fear losing the image of you
Don't wanna forget the tone of your voice and the sound of your laugh
i'm so so missing you.
please stay here and here....
in my mind and in my heart.

little stories.....

First Story:
Everyday is just like the other , boring ,boring ..
why does he say he loves her when he stays away of her?
he is an adventurer while she is an introvent ..
can love tolerate such difference?
Next time she'll go to Sahara with him, just her, him and the endless peace.
Second Story:
She just can't be faithful to one man .. but men don't understand this
she doesn't care as long as she is smart in moving in between..
she can say yes to someone and no to the other , then switch thoughts.
All is fair as long as she is not caught..
She forgot one thing , her line was open when she was out with the other..
He heard it all !
Third Srory:
He wanna leave her ! timing is the only problem .
and the other problem ? his promise? Crab , promises are meant to be broken ..
But what if she created problems to him? his mother just adores her.
hmmmm,, maybe but she'll come around eventually , he's her son while the other is just a stranger , not blood..
But ... will she keep quite about his small secret?
He should be smart and tolerate her alittle longer, just alittle longer.
Fourth Story:
Death is very true , thats why he hates it ..
Tomorrow might not come with all the hope we live for..
He was telling her last time they met to give him the choice :
just give me a chance to stay with you , live the remaining time ,
i have the right to be with you coz i won't have that right with destiny ..
let me be with you till you fade away.
Fifth Story:
She will buy the hottest swim suit ever and she will forget all the limitations around her!
Pink will be the colour and to dye her hair in black , mmm suits her skin ..
they say that summer brings new love along with blazing sun ..
She closed her eyes with a smile ... we'll see about that.

To Choose Between Two Deathes ...

I was watching Eclipse , the Twilight saga
and i was hit by few ideas ,,
like why we always have romantic fantasies about vampires?
and why we always portray them as beautiful elegant smooth creatures?
and why we always let them win eventually or at least we leave it open end ?
Remember the movie ( Interview With a Vampire)? where they gathered the three alive hunks of Hollywood then ( Pitt, Cruise, Banderas) in one movie leaving us the poor helpless females imagining ourselves part of this gorgeous creatures?
me , i imagined me a beautiful gurl whome Pitt saw and couldn't resist till he transformed her into an immortal creature like him bla, bla, bla...
But then the idea hit me ! would i stand same face , same voice , same everything ,
nothing changes at all for life? hell , forever? FOREVER? dee teb2a 3esha hbab , even Pitt with all his charm can't stand such test .
I mean come to think of it , if you married a guy and he turned out to be a jerk ( like most men are as we agree ), you will always have this hope that someday hayfyas aw enty tfayasy w ne5las w ahe 3esha ..But to stick on to someone knowing that he will never die and you can't even escape coz if you tried to escape hygebek min afaky men re7tek,,,,
dee tb2a 3esha soda ..
Now back to Bella elle hya habla w msh fahma , obviously she is trapped between two gorgeous hunks Edward the vampire and Jakob the warewolf .. i understand her dilemma since they are both drop dead lookers but to live a dead life the idea makes 3am dahab bta3 el batata looks more hotter coz at least loh ree7a unlike the odourless, tasteless Edward .. now i didn't watch the movie till end yet so i don't know what will be Bella's choice , will it be death naturally or death by living dead beside Edward...
Does love really that powerfull?
We'll see ....

Last thought : Can he stand forever for me?

It's in me !It's inside of me !
I am in me ...Alone !

About Me!

I discovered somethin about me .

It's not new but first time to realize it
I can't be intimate to anybody
i got suffocated
i like my space
that's why i'm the closest to all my FRs but i have no anteem fr
i like to be alone sometimes
ie... i like my privacy even if it meant no anteem fr.
Me .. for better or for worse.

live like a MOZZA or die trying ! mozza=sexy lady

Frankly yes , it's a theory and big one and according to real statistics too .. we are in the era of mozzaz w either you become one or nothing at all ..
Frst .... HOW TO BECOME A MOZZA?
1- Money , Money , Money
akeed to buy fancy clothes w chic accessories w good quality make up you need an income .. this income either comes from your family or work or man ( legally tb3an , we are talkin about husbands here)
2- Good Taste :
msh darory ykon zo2ek 7elw .. actually money will buy you the best brains and tastes , you pay , they do .. y3ny ya garya etbo5y ya sede kalef .(homa el garya wenty sedhom 3la fekra , money talks)
3- Have High Quality FFRS :
bas take care of somethin , high quality female frs mykonosh a7la menek , 3shan mnrg3sh n3ayat b3d keda and our inferiority complexes grow , w badal ma nesref 3la how to be mozza , nesref 3la dakatra y3algo 3o2adna .. eh faydet el High Quality FFRs? enohom ykono classy company and introduce you to the right classy ppl you need to know f mar7alet el mazzaza ele enty feha.( do i need to explain?)
4- the Three Words theory :
any woman since Eve's days is three things ( hair, skin, figure) look b2a , feh nazarya fashla till now i don't know it's source bt2ol 2al eh ( personality and brains).. a7eb a7atamloko el nazarya el fashla dee ...
if we divided the guys into three classes :
A- Guys with big well brains : w dol a5er 7aga hyfkro feha hya el sett ele laha brains , because just imagine , they live with their brains all the time , last thing they need in their lives at home wa7da b shanab w labsa nadara ... FLAT FAT NO , they want some mozza keda soft w sweet w average or no brains asasan to feel the glory of life.
B- Guys without brains : w dol asasan have no right to choose bec they don't know how , and they will be attracted to strong brainy women but on long run they will realize they failed , so they will search for mozzaz min gher brains to make up for their failure.
C- Guys with big money( with or without brains) : w dol asasan homa ele e5tara3o kelmet mozza fel kamos and also invented it's definition , look they need some gurl to accompany them to parties and social events and travel with them , so akeed msh hya5do la wa7da b nadara wala b shantet labtop , they will take her with Gucci burse geld nemr.
in short , all guys will take a mozza anytime and discard brainy cultured women anytime w without second thought kman
Second ...... HOW TO CHOOSE YOUR GUY ?
in your choice be merciless .. y3ny la ta25ozky shafaka wala ra7ma ,,
Look girlz ,, when guys make their choices about us they never give us excuses or chances .. they want us to be perfect , so why we should give them excuses or chances? MAKE THEM SUFFER AND GIVE THEM COMPLEXES ABOUT HOW THEY LOOK !
el 7kaya ele h2olha dee real and happened in front of my eyes ,
we have a friend , hya msh 7elwa 5aaales ( min weghet el nazar el banatya) but her guy is totally hot and trot( bardo min weghet el nazar el banatya).. this gurl fedlet te3a2ad el walad da from his figure ele hwa good actually till she made him goes into severe diet and lose 10 kgms , although she is not that fit or hot .. what was the result? the guy made the diet and ever since he looks at her as if she was VENUS why? its psychological issue , bec he knows how hot he is and since she didn't like him , then she must be much hotter , much prettier , much trimmer than him ( nazaryet bema 2ana , ezan , el handasya )... Ever since this whenever i look at that gurl or even spot her i stand up for her e7teraman bec w hya bent average keda w ay klam ( min weghet nazarana el bnatya) fehmetha w hya tayra w taba2etha w hya a3da . I salut her.
need i to say more? i don't think so .
Third....... HOW TO KEEP YOUR CONDITION AS MOZZA?
akeed you need mentainance ...and since they haven't invented preservatives like Formaldhyde for humans yet then you 'll have to apply all the old fashioned methods in preservance .
drink much water
eat raw veggies and fruits
apply facial masks w creams w bta3
the list is endless...
and the most important thing is to buy your head ( eshtry demaghek bel arabic) sebe ele ywla3 ywla3 wele yerza3 yerza3 ( the indifference theory).... 3omrek shofty wa7da 7elwa btet3asab aw betetnarfez aw metdy2a?> the only time Merylen Monro 7awlet t3mel ro7ha feha btfakar she committed suiccide.
Fourth.... KEEP AWAY OF THE ONLY THING THAT WOULD MAKE ALL THIS PLAN FAILS
elly hwa ,,LOVE,, min el a5er the only thing that would make all this nonesense is when you fell in love ...you will be everything he wants and do everything he needs and you'll be happy just by lookin at him or having him beside you , so , you gotta make your choice .. it's fair to keep open options .. because there's a theory ( real 3la fekra) says : Love makes you beautiful , it makes your eyes glowing , your heart younger , your face smiling , your soul flying , all your existance becomes radiant .
So , become the mozza you like , and feel free ..... good luck

Diaries .................Friday 11/6/2010

Woke up in the morning , hmmm , feeling missing him terribly .. called but no answer , sent a msg , he answered finally , i said : wanna tell you somthin important but in a message .. i hanged up and sent a msg ( just wanna say i miss you and i love you ).. he didn't answer , i waited , still no answer ..and i thought to myself , how the hell guys don't get our unexpected , non-occasional messages? they are our most important messages bdw , it's when we are in our emotional peak morons .. anyway , i left my bed and went to my mirror ( when we are exposed to an emotional block we head to our sincere freind , the mirror , to see just in case somethin wrong about our faces or figures ,,,,hmmm , my hair grew longer , i like long hair in gurlz , it's more feminine . when i was a little gurl , mom used to cut my hair , makes it short just to release herself from combing it , although my hair is soft , i would never do this to my daughter , i ll let her hair grow taller and taller till she says please enough mom .. my complexes grow bigger this morning .. mom used to tell me ( the gurl is three things : figure, skin and hair ).. oh God it's like a constant competition, we are competing all the time with any new wave comes into this world ... in yesteryears it was full women and curvey features and all the time we had to fill this part and curve this side to appeal .. nowadays it's the skinny era and the Zero f... size that we have all the time try to reach even near it , so we are constantly on edge . long straight hair , then wavy short hair , then brunettes styles ,,, no no blond styles are the rage ........... then be heppy and casual ,, then no no you gotta be a lady style , classic yet modern ... then flat shoes , no make it high heeled shoes .. tanned skin , no we changed the wave , make it fair ..................... oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh just SHUT THE HELL UP we wanna be ourselves , ourselves , why can't you morons just accept us for what we are ? i mean , we accept the world for all it's holes and Ozon mess ups and water dryings and accelerated heat , i mean there's no perfect world so why we gotta be perfect? we just wanna be normal and natural and simple .
Yesterday i was watching an old arabic movie , it's titled ( i love this one . but i want this one),, and i thought to myself , and why don't you love and want just One? her problem in the movie, was that she loves a guy but her mind is against him and thinks of another one , and i thought to myself , this is not love , cos simply when you love you just want , you can't imagine yourself with another person , so actualy she wasn't in love and the right title should be (i LIKE this one but i want that one) and in this case i'll tell her , go to the one you want since likeness is not a strong reason to stick up to a person , but LOVE is one hell of a strong reason to cling up to, anyway in the end of the movie she went to the guy she supposed to be in love with ,typical . the day is still young and i hope it will end up in a better way ...updates will be on ..

crab

sometimes you live long but you learn nothing , and you think you are growing up but you are just getting older , and you pretend that you are smart but after awhile you realize that you were dumb .. you know why life is so grand? it's because after realizing all this and feeling miserable as you can get , you will always choose life over death .. coz life is about second chances but death is end for all chances .. if i have learnt a grand lesson in life , it's that , words are only words , and easiest thing in life is to talk .

butterfly

just tired of losing people i love and care for , tired of missing the good moments in life .. tired of expecting then disappointment .. tired of all contradictions .. just don't wanna lose people i love .. it's enough .

project

.... ok, i gotta lose weight fast , my big problem is the drive .. im struggling in this weight loss issue since childhood .. it's boring and frustrating .. and we are living in the age of slimness , actually people are getting more and more weight loss freaks .. can't blame them since the hype is around the figure and design and structure , nothing matters anymore than being a zero size !! very frustrating and depressing considering that your genes actually resisting this zero size concept ..yet some people are blessed enough genetically , that's why i see it so unfair .. i have to manage anyway .

personal

................. tired and don't wanna compete anymore ... so many things to be done ,so little time to spend..she is always caught between her mind and her feelings ..this should come to an end.